Thoughts On Lost Pigs, Ugly Ducklings, and Dead Princesses

Today’s topic was suggested by my sister, Carol, who also contributed the title.

Click on the linked words for extra hilarity!

I admit it, I do like video games. I do own a Wii, a Nintendo DS and I do have a few games on my phone I play if I’m bored. However, I have never and will never play any social games, specifically Facebook games. I believe they are not only a complete waste of time, but they are potentially addictive and exploitative. They also promote spam and identity theft.

I like keeping in touch with family and old friends on Facebook, but what I don’t like are the constant reminders that someone needs Critter Milk to heal a wounded animal, or dead princesses, or vegetables, or that someone has reached level 42. I have ignored and hidden every one of these requests (yes, even YOURS!) and will continue to do so.

Zynga is the company behind Farmville, Mafia Wars, and Café World, among others. They are now, thanks to all of you who play their games, a billion-dollar company. Not that there’s anything wrong with a little capitalism, but they took misleading and underhanded measures to get there. They gain approximately $50 million a year from Facebook advertisements that attract more players to their games, and even more money getting people to part with their cold, hard credit cards.

In April 2010, Khondkar Faiaz Hasan and Mohammed Suhail Akhtar, students at Worcester Polytechnic Institute, wrote an “Interactive Qualifying Project Report” titled The Dark Side of Facebook Games and submitted it to the “Faculty in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the Degree of Bachelor of Science”. In their dissertation, they point out that “almost all games on Facebook have real time elements”. What this means is that users can’t reach the end of the game quickly, thus keeping them seated in front of their computer for sometimes HOURS ON END and feeding what eventually can be deemed an addiction.  The more time they spend in front of the game, the greater the potential to click on advertising or spend more money. Seriously, there are so many other ways one could be spending their time.

“As the players cannot proceed forth in the game when they want to,” the paper continues, “it is likely that they feel an urge to advance faster than the game will let them. This is when Micro-transactions come into play.”

Micro-transactions, they explain, are a form of micro-payment for purchasing virtual goods available for sale on Facebook games. For instance, you can spend $5.00 of your real money to buy 7,500 gold coins needed for Farmville if you can’t wait for your crops to grow fast enough to bring to market.

$5.00 may not seem like a lot of money, but Zynga is the only one receiving any real money. With 232 million monthly active users and 60 million daily users, that’s a lot of money in their pockets. You’re not even buying anything tangible. Over time, that $5.00 builds up, but what do you have to show for it? Maybe a few gaming gift cards (sold at major retailers) so you can buy more intangible goods.

Zynga tries not to seem too greedy though; they do have the following posted on their web site:  Zynga is committed to transforming the world through virtual social goods. Zynga players have raised more than $10 million for several international nonprofits since Zynga.org launched in October 2009. Players have purchased virtual social goods within games like Farmville, FishVille, Mafia Wars, and Zynga Poker that have benefited earthquake victims in Haiti and to school lunch programs for children in Haiti.

But consider this: If half of the daily users took the $5.00 they would have spent on gold coins and donated it instead, they could have contributed far more money to charity than Zynga has and upped their karmic footprint in the process.

As far as identity theft is concerned, Hasan and Akhtar warn, “Once a person uses his credit card to buy something, not only is he paying for something fake, but he is also susceptible to future privacy breach as he loses his credit card information to an illegitimate source. In almost all Facebook games, users are required to buy in game currency using their credit card…if one of these offers is a scam, then the user loses his information.” Of course, they don’t warn you about any of the pitfalls you may encounter or let you know which offers not to click on.

Some of you might say I should try playing the games just to see what they’re like, but that’s just the point. In order to try one, I would have to spend money and spam friends. It’s as if Facebook is the crack dealer camped out in front of the school in their ice cream truck telling me to “just try it”. I would have to send all my Facebook friends, even those not involved in the games, unsolicited requests for an ungodly amount of crap that I “need” in order to advance in the games and keep feeding my addiction. This can only eventually alienate the friends who choose not to participate if I annoy them enough.

According to a recent study, the average social gamer is a 43 year old woman. Yes, that’s correct. Probably a parent who is constantly telling her children to get off the computer and get out more, secretly wanting the computer all to herself.

What amazes me is people are essentially playing the same game over and over again, just with different titles. Apparently, Zynga thinks people are too stupid and gullible to notice; either way, they steal your time or they steal your money. Or both.

I Was Such a Stupid Kid

Today’s topic is childhood stupidity. This topic was not quite suggested. It was more that my husband finds this story extremely funny. You will note the irony of that sentence by the end of this post.

I have an intense fear of public speaking that almost surely originated on a specific day in second grade before a crowd of about thirty seven-year-olds during a sold out performance of second-grade Show and Tell.

Once a week, my teacher, Mrs. Bluestein, would ask the class if anyone had anything for Show and Tell. On this particular day, not a single student raised their hand. I figured this would be my golden opportunity to show the world what I had to offer. I had something brilliant. I knew these kids would think I was as hilarious as I thought I was and in the end, I would take an extended curtain call as they all shouted “Brava! BRAVA!”, throwing roses at my feet and begging for more with their standing ovations.

I confidently raised my hand and was immediately called upon. I stood up, marched over to the spot that had been occupied by so many before me, and said, “Okay, this is funny. This is really funny.”

“Chinese (pulling the corners of my eyes down with my fingers)

Japanese (pulling the corners of my eyes up)

Dirty knees (touching my knees)

Look at these (pulling my shirt out from my pre-pre-pubescent chest)”

Nothing. Pure silence. Although, I swear I heard crickets.

I could feel every pair of eyes slowly move toward my teacher, as if her reaction was going to indicate whether or not I was going to receive my standing ovations. You know that phrase, “If looks could kill?” Mrs. Bluestein had just committed ocular homicide in the first degree. I slowly side-stepped my way back toward my desk, not wanting to turn my back to a crowd that apparently could turn so condemnatory at the drop of a hat.

At the time, I didn’t realize how horribly racist and sexist that little ditty was. Needless to say, it was not repeated by me too often after that, if at all.

I really don’t remember much after that point. I just know that I did not want to get up in front of any kind of audience, whether it was made up of children or adults, especially people I knew personally, for any reason ever again. And I certainly have no desire to throw my hat into the ring as a candidate for Poet Laureate. 

Right to the Point

Today’s topic was submitted by my brother, David Hibbard:

Politics – How much they suck.

There you go.